20 Weeks and Going Strong

It seems like a lifetime has passed since I last posted to my blog! So much has been happening and time is passing so quickly. Today was our 20 week appointment with the OBGYN. I actually do not turn 20 weeks until Friday, but close enough. In the past few months we have been house hunting, preparing for the baby, and working our butts off! Life seems to always have another surprise around the corner.

But, today was a day I will never forget. We put an offer on a house (don't know if we will get it yet) and we found out that our little baby is... A.... GIRL!! My husband and mom have been saying since the start that it is a girl, and they were right. I am yet to feel my baby move, but little flutters are happening every now and then. It is amazing I have not felt her yet, she could not stop moving during the ultrasound today! Today we saw her feet, her brain, her legs, her lips and nose, and her hands... even though she only wanted to show us 3 fingers for a picture... we are pretty sure all 10 are there! Life is certainly coming together, for the baby and our soon to be family of 3!

In the PCOS realm, not much is happening. I do find that I struggled a bit more than my coworkers (who are also pregnant) to get my energy back as quickly during my second trimester. But, it is starting to go up and I actually made it to the gym today for a walk on the treadmill, at 5 AM! I, of course, am gaining weight. But that is expected so I will deal with getting the weight off once the baby is here! The biggest problem I have had with PCOS is getting myself off of the Metformin. It is funny but, prior to getting pregnant all I wanted was to get rid of the medications and go all natural. But, now that there is a life growing inside of me I have the greatest fear that if I stop the Metformin I will loose the baby. My OB/GYN told me to go off of it a month ago, and I have yet to do it. We discussed it again today and he has instructed me to go off of it again. So, I will try it again and see how it goes and hope and pray that nothing goes wrong!

I think the most frustrating thing is the lack of research by the medical community on the effects of Metformin during pregnancy and the effects on the fetus. There really is not a lot out there, just a few studies on rats, that explore PCOS, Metformin and pregnancy. But, I have to say this. I never in my life thought I was going to get pregnant. I spent so many nights crying thinking I would never be able to have a child. Yet here I am, 20 weeks in... half way through, and all I had to do was take care of myself and it happened. I hope all women with PCOS will see that if you start to take care of yourself good things happen... like babies! I still carry the fear of miscarriage on a daily basis and remember that I have a higher risk of losing my baby at any time during this pregnancy than anyone else I know who is pregnant. But, I can't help but be confident and hopeful that our baby will be born healthy and happy. In my heart I know, that is how life is supposed to go.

A smudge and a heartbeat

It was a crazy couple of weeks with lots of blood testing for HcG levels and lots of worrying. I became worried because, well, when people tell you that you are at high risk of miscarriage you worry. I was also having pains, cramps, and spotting. But, my HcG levels kept rising. On October 24th, my HcG levels were above 22,000, which was a good sign. That night though the cramping became terrible and the next day, after working out that morning I was feeling terrible and I began having spotting again. So, I worried. It is what I do best. It was that day that I really decided that I like our OB/GYN! I called the office and they squeezed me in. My husband rushed home from work, leaving a meeting and probably freaking out all of his coworkers, and off to the doctor we went. I was so afraid he would say we were losing the baby, but through it all I just had a feeling, it had to be okay. I am sure most women convince themselves it will all be okay, that your baby will make it, and these of course were my thoughts.

As I climbed on the table I grasped my husbands hand and said a little prayer in my head. The moment the ultrasound began I knew, because there I saw it, our little smudge inside a yolk sac! The doctor turned up the volume and there was the heart beat at 121 beats per minute! A smudge with a heartbeat... and it is our smudge! It was amazing, I cried (of course!) and my husband grasped my hand and my head with a look of amazement... there was our baby! It still amazes me that something measuring under 7mm's can have a heartbeat!

Since that day it has all felt real, like it is okay to accept it, to get excited, and to look at baby names and talk about the future again. For the past month we have held our breath, worried, cried, and held it all in. But no longer. I know I am just 7 weeks, 3 days along but I can't help but be excited for the future, for our baby, for a new life!

We will return to the doctor next Monday for our 8 week check up and ultrasound. For now, all is well. I am finally getting my energy back, it has been a few tough weeks of going to bed at 7:30 and feeling too tired for anything other than work. I even took almost two complete weeks off of working out, as I had some morning sickness. But today, I returned to working out. I still am worried about running, so I speed walk and tomorrow I will lift weights. Our trainer has provided me with a new work out program, so that I don't have to do crunches or lay on my stomach (both of which make me nauseous!). My jeans are beginning to feel a bit tight, and when I run my hand over my belly I can feel a slight bump there, and I know that's our baby in there. I cry over just about anything from cheezy commercials to stories about mothers and their babies. But, so far, it has been a joy and pleasure carrying this baby. I know there are lots of challenges, changes, and maybe even tough times ahead, but I am up for anything!