So Inconsistent...

Blogging is not my life for sure... otherwise I would clearly be very poor and living in a box. When you have a child life gets so busy and you just never think to stop and write in a blog. Lately there are so many crazy things happening so I thought I would write a few thoughts. In the PCOS area not much is happening. I am still carrying around 25-30 lbs (yes I am 165 lbs still) of baby weight. I have tried weight watchers, we tried the juice diet (which was terrible and no way to live your life), and I struggle to go back to a yeast free/sugar free diet, because clearly I am addicted to carbohydrates... as are most PCOSers! One wonderful thing has happened though. A good friend of mine invited me to join her in running a 5K in August. I said sure why not! I am now running about 3 miles, 5 times per week, which is awesome! However, due to my poor diet I have not lost a pound from all of this exercise. I hope, in weeks to come that this will change and I will be better able to control my urges. I really really would like to cut out carbs and sugar for a good 3-6 months again and see what happens! Any advice on how to do it? Friend and family support and maybe finding someone to do it with is always the best. In my personal life I continue to have the most joy in watching my little daughter grow with each day. She is walking now and is all over the place! She loves to "chat" although most of it is gibberish, but it is fun to have conversations... even though I have no idea what the responses are! :) This summer has been an eye opener for me in many ways. I was contacted recently by a college and may be offered a fairly high paid position, they have not decided yet and I continue to wait to hear. I was very excited when the opportunity first arose, but things changed in the last week. However, for the past two weeks I have been home with my little love with no day care and something happened... I fell madly in love with her all over again. I fell in love with the day to day efforts of being a mommy. Also, on Thursday night a terrible thing happened here in my home state when 12 people were killed and many more were injured while simply sitting down to do what so many of us do in our lives.. enjoy a movie. These two things combined have changed my mind about work and have made me realize what I want in life. I want to be around to see my daughter grow and develop. I don't want to do this just on the weekends, while she is in daycare the rest of the time or with my family the rest of the time... I want her to be with me as much as possible. If we could afford for me to be a stay at home mom, I would do it in a heartbeat. But, it is just not so... instead... I am starting my own business. I have talked about this FOREVER! But I never had the confidence that I could do it. So, I am doing it and I am announcing it publicly so that I cannot back out... I have to do it now. Things are coming together nicely and if I get my way, by October my little one will be in school for 1/2 days 5 days per week while I work and I will get to be home the rest of the time with her! I am excited, scared, and unsure, but I know this time I have to do it, for myself and for my little one! Happy days to everyone!

Battle of the Buldge is Lost... for now

I have been so busy being a mommy that Blogging has fallen to the wayside... along with my weight loss. It is the challenge of PCOS, weight gain that never leaves without very hard work. I continue to struggle with finding time to exercise... in other words I have not found any time to squeeze it in. In Colorado I always find it especially hard because of the weather which is hot hot hot in the summer and freezing in the winter... so outdoors exercise is just not for me here. It makes me miss my beloved Northern California weather!
Anyway, During September and October I attempted Weight Watchers Online. I was not very successful this time around unfortunately. I find it very difficult with my family to get it done. I constantly hear... "it is just this once" or "you need to loosen up and live a little." and then I cave in, eat whatever is sitting in front of me and then hate myself for it later. So, a new idea has come to my attention, so in an attempt to try something new, and maybe not go back on Metformin I will try it.
A few months ago my husband watched a documentary called "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead." It is, in short, about juice cleansing and how the body heals itself. After listening to him talk about it for a week or so I decided to watch it too. So, one day while home alone with baby, I watched it. I was inspired. What a great idea to attempt to cleanse your system with natural foods! So, we are now onto the newest kick... since my yeast cleanse and WW lasted a whopping 2 months with no results! If this does not work alone I will definitely be going back on Metformin for the sake of my health. But this time I have a partner in dieting... my hubby! Let's see if we can do it together this time, instead of me doing it alone. Maybe this will work, maybe it won't!

To find out more go to http://jointhereboot.com to read more about juice cleansing!
We plan to start after Christmas and I will try my very best to actually blog this time!

Merry Christmas to all and to all a lot of weight loss!

Wedding, Work, and Worries (2008)

In May 2008 we got married. I had bought my dress while I was in graduate school, and still skinny. The dress was amazing, white, A-line, and simple, just my style. I did most of the wedding planning from California and was so excited for the day. When the day arrived, I had been home for 6 months and had gained 15 lbs. My acne was considerably worse, the hair growth on my chin was embarrassing, and I felt self conscious. My jeans I had worn in California did not fit anymore, and did I mention... I was sleeping all of the time. When I woke up in the morning I was tired, when I ate lunch in the afternoon I was tired, when I came home I was exhausted, and I would go to bed and feel tired again in the morning.

The wedding was amazing, but I felt bloated, tired, sick. We were surrounded by our friends and family. Even my California Girls had come to support me and my best friend in the whole world honored me by being my matron of honor. It was a beautiful day and I realized the huge amount of support my husband and I would have as we went through life together.

I thought once the planning was over I would feel less stress, but this was not the case, I seemed more tired. I was working at a local hospital, having emotional meltdowns daily, and finally quit my job to go work in a school, thinking it was the work... it couldn't be me... it could not be related to PCOS.

In my first year out of graduate school I held 3 different jobs, each lasting no more than 5 months. Each position led to more exhaustion and and increasing waist line. I craved carbs! I lived to eat Carbs! Exercise fell to the wayside and I began to worry frequently about everything. I felt like a failure. How could I be such a terrible wife? How could I be so tired? Why am I the only person who cannot handle having a job? What is wrong with me? My most frequent thought was "damn PCOS!"

I finally found a home for my career after 18 months, part time working for myself and part time working in a clinic as an employee. This has worked for about a year now and career wise I have been happier than before. But times have still been tough. I still found myself tired frequently although I was working just 4 days per week, often requiring the full 3 day weekend to sleep and rest. Any extra activities were exhausting and I could not mentally handle them. And then, just 6 weeks ago, my previously single track path grew forks in the road. I decided to choose a path and give it a try. The road sign was not labeled "western medicine" or even "the answer to your problems," but "Hope" was the road sign I followed. Hope for something to change, hope for energy and life to return to this body that I will live in for the rest of my days.