By the time you are all reading these posts about pregnancy I will be about 3 months or so along... as long as all goes well. I promised my mother in law that she would not have to find out I was pregnant by way of my blog... so after we visit in November for Thanksgiving and surprise her, I will post these blogs. And, even if the worst happens, I promise I will post these blogs, because women need to know, good or bad, what happens with pregnancy especially with PCOS and pregnancy! A very good friend of mine recommended that I journal about the pregnancy as I go along so that I can remember what happened along the way. I feel that my blog is my journal... albeit public for all to see, but still, this is my journal and how I express myself and track my life. So, I make this warning, I will be sharing everything, details that many may not want to read. But this is my journal, my documentation of pregnancy with PCOS, and my way of telling others that getting pregnant with PCOS is possible... and with any luck I will get to also show that you can have a healthy happy baby with PCOS.
So, those lovely signs of pregnancy! Well, your breasts will hurt like no one ever told you they would. They say they will be "tender".... hello! This is not tender... this is freakin' ouch! They say you can jog/run during pregnancy... well if you are an "A" cup or do not have this particular symptom, that that may be true... but for those of us over a "C"...there will be no running... at least not without at least 3 sports bras on!
Pain... yes, pain and cramping. Sometimes it feels like someone is stabbing you in the ovary...for about 2 seconds.. then it goes away. They call it "cramping" but this is no cramping like I have ever had. Some cramping, in certain places is normal in early pregnancy as areas of your body begin to stretch, in ways they never have before!
Nausea... yep, my first bout of morning sickness today. Luckily it never went past the nausea part... but it makes it impossible to go to the gym at 5 am when you just want to throw up and get the day over with.
Speaking of getting the day over with... I thought PCOS had shown me what tired was before... I am only just maybe 5 weeks along and I am Tired!! More tired than ever before. I laughed when I found out I was pregnant, because for two weeks straight I came home and fell asleep on the couch after work, just to get up and go right to bed. So, when I found out I was pregnant I thought... of course I have been sleeping almost non stop for 2 weeks!
Hormones... have you ever cried at just about every commercial you see on TV? The Kaiser commercials about babies, the Jason Mraz song about living without worry, or the Zale's commercial with the daughter and father at the breakfast table (I am practically crying just thinking of this one) ? But it is true, your hormones are all over the map. One second you are laughing the next second you are crying, and sometimes you are doing both at the same time.
My clothes are tight... yes, this a symptom... okay i admit it was a problem before I was pregnant... by seriously... I just bought new clothes a month ago, and already they are tight? Seriously? But, never fear... maternity world includes new fun clothes too! So, more shopping will be done by all! :)
Worry... yes, worry. I think it is a symptom of pregnancy which no one speaks of. It is why so many women wait until they are showing to start telling people around them. We all worry that at any time, this wonderful gift may be taken away from us. At first, when i found out, I said to my husband "I don't want anyone to know" and yet the same day I told my mom, how could I not...she is my mom. I have slipped up a few more times and started to tell other people here and there... we haven't told my husbands family because he wants to tell his mom in person before we tell anyone else in his family.. but anyway... I started to think about why I did this. Why say one minute I don't want any one to know, and the next second be telling people around me that I am in fact pregnant. Here is my thought/reasoning/excuse for my craziness. I am going to worry no matter what, for the next 9 months, and the rest of my life once this baby is born. But if people know now, even though i am so early on, there are that many more good wishes, prayers, and support for this baby out there in the universe already, and they have not even entered the world yet, What better way to start off your life than with the support, love, and excitement of all of those people who do not know you yet but love you and care about you anyway? So, share we will, so that our baby will be blessed with all of the love and care from the start and will start off life with excitement and happiness surrounding them, not from 3 months in utero, but from 4 weeks in utero!
So those are the symptoms as they stand so far. In all seriousness, because I am being flippant with many of these symptoms, I truly believe that each symptom is a part of earning the title of "mom" and that each one is a positive sign that the pregnancy is healthy and that it is well worth the reward of being a parent in the end. I would deal with "tender" breasts, stabbing pains, crying at the drop of a hat, and exhaustion, tight clothing, and worry for a lifetime if I get to have the honor of being a parent during this life time. Although I hear that many of those symptoms are not just for pregnancy, they last forever as you watch your child grow into an amazing adult. So here's hoping to a lifetime of pregnancy symptoms!
10.18.2010
Breakfast, paperwork, and two pink lines
It was two weeks ago tomorrow that I was working from home on some paperwork and thought, there are three pregnancy tests in the cabinet and I feel like I should use one. So, at 11 am that day a pregnancy test was completed and one dark pink line appeared....along with a super faint pink line... yep, two pink lines. I figured I was seeing things, it was that faint. So the next morning at 5am, on my way to the gym, I took another test, and sure enough, there it was... or should I say "they were". Two pink lines... a positive pregnancy test... or rather two. That afternoon I made a stop at my GYN, who ran two more tests... one negative, the other looked just like my first... one dark line and another very faint line. I was promptly sent for blood work which came back with an HcG level of 39. If you are new to pregnancy terms, HcG is produced in your blood only when you are pregnant, you never have it at any other time of your life. I was told congratulations and that I had to go for another test in 48 hours, to make sure the HcG levels were rising. So, 48 hours later I was at the lab again, blood being drawn from my other arm and then the wait began. Because it was Friday, the test did not come back before the Dr. closed for the day. I spent the entire weekend in agony, of the emotional type. You see, HcG levels, when you are pregnant are supposed to double every 48 hours... so for me, they were looking for somewhere around 80... if your levels are not doubling there is a problem with the pregnancy and it is likely not viable. Let's just say, this led to the longest, most difficult weekend of my life so far. Waiting to find out if you are pregnant or pregnant and miscarrying is a terrible way to spend two days. Monday morning, first thing, my MD called with good news, an HcG level of 89 and a big "hooray!" was heard around the world.
I wish I could say the craziness ended there. But panic and a few more horrible days (about 7 days in fact) ensued. Since my GYN is not an OB as well, I had to find a new doctor. Luckily I found one, I think he is pretty great so far, and made an appointment for the soonest possible. The next Wednesday, one week from our initial double lined excitement, my husband and I found ourselves sitting in the OB office waiting to see the doctor. This was the appointment that caused even more panic than before. While there, the MD's office aged my pregnancy at 6 weeks. "Great!" we were told an ultrasound would potentially show a heart beat, and the yolk sac, but as I lay on the ultrasound table, my husband excitedly holding my hand, the doctor scanned around, yet nothing showed up. The doctor quickly revealed his concern, stating "it isn't a good sign that we can't see anything at 6 weeks." we left the doctor's office, back to the lab for yet another HcG test, I cried... for about the 20th time. Is it hormones, fear, sadness, or just plain anger at my body for continually making everything difficult? I think probably a combination of everything.
That afternoon the doctor called me... actually he called within an hour. My HcG was at 775... it had doubled each day since the last test. The pregnancy was fine and I was "just earlier than originally thought." I guess this is where I have to caution women with PCOS. For some reason, almost all doctors, even ones who seem to know a lot about PCOS, seem to forget that we do not ovulate like every other "normal" woman. The fact is, all women, with PCOS or not, ovulate at different times. Yet, when they calculate your due date and date of conception, they go from the first day of your last period. So even if you did not ovulate during the second week... guess what... they pretend you did! It turns out... I was probably more like 4 or 4 1/2 weeks along... not 6 weeks! So, my HcG levels were exactly correct AND since you cannot see anything on an ultrasound until HcG levels are At Least 1500, it was no surprise there was nothing on the ultrasound, because mine were in the 700's! By the way, they also tested my progesterone, which was 18... which is on the low side of normal for pregnant women. Two days later, another test revealed an HcG of 1380... almost double, and perfectly acceptable for a viable pregnancy.
Getting pregnant, being pregnant, and having a baby are all scary enough as it is. But I have to say, the past two weeks were some of the most difficult days of my life. I felt like I had been on a roller coaster, stuck at the top, and waiting to drop. It is reported that women with PCOS may have up to 50% chance of miscarriage. Each doctor has told us that miscarriage is never caused by anything you do. If it does not last, it was not a viable life, and that miscarriage is the body's natural way to end that life before it get's worse. But, even knowing that, I keep saying to the baby "just stay inside where you belong" because the best thing that could ever happen would be to bring a baby into this world on in June 2011!
I wish I could say the craziness ended there. But panic and a few more horrible days (about 7 days in fact) ensued. Since my GYN is not an OB as well, I had to find a new doctor. Luckily I found one, I think he is pretty great so far, and made an appointment for the soonest possible. The next Wednesday, one week from our initial double lined excitement, my husband and I found ourselves sitting in the OB office waiting to see the doctor. This was the appointment that caused even more panic than before. While there, the MD's office aged my pregnancy at 6 weeks. "Great!" we were told an ultrasound would potentially show a heart beat, and the yolk sac, but as I lay on the ultrasound table, my husband excitedly holding my hand, the doctor scanned around, yet nothing showed up. The doctor quickly revealed his concern, stating "it isn't a good sign that we can't see anything at 6 weeks." we left the doctor's office, back to the lab for yet another HcG test, I cried... for about the 20th time. Is it hormones, fear, sadness, or just plain anger at my body for continually making everything difficult? I think probably a combination of everything.
That afternoon the doctor called me... actually he called within an hour. My HcG was at 775... it had doubled each day since the last test. The pregnancy was fine and I was "just earlier than originally thought." I guess this is where I have to caution women with PCOS. For some reason, almost all doctors, even ones who seem to know a lot about PCOS, seem to forget that we do not ovulate like every other "normal" woman. The fact is, all women, with PCOS or not, ovulate at different times. Yet, when they calculate your due date and date of conception, they go from the first day of your last period. So even if you did not ovulate during the second week... guess what... they pretend you did! It turns out... I was probably more like 4 or 4 1/2 weeks along... not 6 weeks! So, my HcG levels were exactly correct AND since you cannot see anything on an ultrasound until HcG levels are At Least 1500, it was no surprise there was nothing on the ultrasound, because mine were in the 700's! By the way, they also tested my progesterone, which was 18... which is on the low side of normal for pregnant women. Two days later, another test revealed an HcG of 1380... almost double, and perfectly acceptable for a viable pregnancy.
Getting pregnant, being pregnant, and having a baby are all scary enough as it is. But I have to say, the past two weeks were some of the most difficult days of my life. I felt like I had been on a roller coaster, stuck at the top, and waiting to drop. It is reported that women with PCOS may have up to 50% chance of miscarriage. Each doctor has told us that miscarriage is never caused by anything you do. If it does not last, it was not a viable life, and that miscarriage is the body's natural way to end that life before it get's worse. But, even knowing that, I keep saying to the baby "just stay inside where you belong" because the best thing that could ever happen would be to bring a baby into this world on in June 2011!
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