It was two weeks ago tomorrow that I was working from home on some paperwork and thought, there are three pregnancy tests in the cabinet and I feel like I should use one. So, at 11 am that day a pregnancy test was completed and one dark pink line appeared....along with a super faint pink line... yep, two pink lines. I figured I was seeing things, it was that faint. So the next morning at 5am, on my way to the gym, I took another test, and sure enough, there it was... or should I say "they were". Two pink lines... a positive pregnancy test... or rather two. That afternoon I made a stop at my GYN, who ran two more tests... one negative, the other looked just like my first... one dark line and another very faint line. I was promptly sent for blood work which came back with an HcG level of 39. If you are new to pregnancy terms, HcG is produced in your blood only when you are pregnant, you never have it at any other time of your life. I was told congratulations and that I had to go for another test in 48 hours, to make sure the HcG levels were rising. So, 48 hours later I was at the lab again, blood being drawn from my other arm and then the wait began. Because it was Friday, the test did not come back before the Dr. closed for the day. I spent the entire weekend in agony, of the emotional type. You see, HcG levels, when you are pregnant are supposed to double every 48 hours... so for me, they were looking for somewhere around 80... if your levels are not doubling there is a problem with the pregnancy and it is likely not viable. Let's just say, this led to the longest, most difficult weekend of my life so far. Waiting to find out if you are pregnant or pregnant and miscarrying is a terrible way to spend two days. Monday morning, first thing, my MD called with good news, an HcG level of 89 and a big "hooray!" was heard around the world.
I wish I could say the craziness ended there. But panic and a few more horrible days (about 7 days in fact) ensued. Since my GYN is not an OB as well, I had to find a new doctor. Luckily I found one, I think he is pretty great so far, and made an appointment for the soonest possible. The next Wednesday, one week from our initial double lined excitement, my husband and I found ourselves sitting in the OB office waiting to see the doctor. This was the appointment that caused even more panic than before. While there, the MD's office aged my pregnancy at 6 weeks. "Great!" we were told an ultrasound would potentially show a heart beat, and the yolk sac, but as I lay on the ultrasound table, my husband excitedly holding my hand, the doctor scanned around, yet nothing showed up. The doctor quickly revealed his concern, stating "it isn't a good sign that we can't see anything at 6 weeks." we left the doctor's office, back to the lab for yet another HcG test, I cried... for about the 20th time. Is it hormones, fear, sadness, or just plain anger at my body for continually making everything difficult? I think probably a combination of everything.
That afternoon the doctor called me... actually he called within an hour. My HcG was at 775... it had doubled each day since the last test. The pregnancy was fine and I was "just earlier than originally thought." I guess this is where I have to caution women with PCOS. For some reason, almost all doctors, even ones who seem to know a lot about PCOS, seem to forget that we do not ovulate like every other "normal" woman. The fact is, all women, with PCOS or not, ovulate at different times. Yet, when they calculate your due date and date of conception, they go from the first day of your last period. So even if you did not ovulate during the second week... guess what... they pretend you did! It turns out... I was probably more like 4 or 4 1/2 weeks along... not 6 weeks! So, my HcG levels were exactly correct AND since you cannot see anything on an ultrasound until HcG levels are At Least 1500, it was no surprise there was nothing on the ultrasound, because mine were in the 700's! By the way, they also tested my progesterone, which was 18... which is on the low side of normal for pregnant women. Two days later, another test revealed an HcG of 1380... almost double, and perfectly acceptable for a viable pregnancy.
Getting pregnant, being pregnant, and having a baby are all scary enough as it is. But I have to say, the past two weeks were some of the most difficult days of my life. I felt like I had been on a roller coaster, stuck at the top, and waiting to drop. It is reported that women with PCOS may have up to 50% chance of miscarriage. Each doctor has told us that miscarriage is never caused by anything you do. If it does not last, it was not a viable life, and that miscarriage is the body's natural way to end that life before it get's worse. But, even knowing that, I keep saying to the baby "just stay inside where you belong" because the best thing that could ever happen would be to bring a baby into this world on in June 2011!
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