We traveled to New Mexico to visit my husband's family for Thanksgiving. We have been planning to tell his family about the baby during this week and of course we had to tell them the first night because (1) I am practically showing and do not fit into my normal clothes and (2) neither of us can keep our mouths shut for that long! Also, this is a family who enjoys a good drink, and we figured a whole week of me turning down a drink, especially over a holiday in a cabin, would lead to suspicion anyway. It turns out, my mother in law had already started telling people at work that she was pretty sure we were going to tell them we were pregnant while we were here visiting. I guess I also gave it away that I was exhausted when we arrived and had to take a 3 hour nap to recover!
Anyway, today is Thanksgiving. I felt I should share what I am thankful for, because really, Thanksgiving is not about eating turkey and stuffing yourself with yummy foods (although this is what pregnant women across the country look forward to!), truly it is about reflecting on the good things in our lives.
This Thanksgiving I am grateful for my family. I am so lucky to have a supportive and loving husband who truly cares about me, our life together, and takes our marriage seriously, but always filling my life with humor and laughter. He always knows when to be serious and when to help me lighten the mood, as I tend to get serious enough for both of us.
I am Thankful for my parents, who have loved and supported me through everything in my life, whether they agreed with my decision or not. They have always shown the greatest respect and love throughout my life as I have grown into the person I am today. I can't wait to see them holding their (3rd) grandchild!
I am Thankful for this baby, who is growing inside of me. Having PCOS always leaves a big question mark when it comes to pregnancy, babies, and the future. I was absolutely convinced that I could not have children. I spilled many tears over the years in sadness. I spent every birthday wish as I blew out my candles wishing for babies. And now, here they are, growing and living. The past 11 weeks have been the most exciting and terrifying moments of my life. I have been exhausted and sick, and yet, it is all worth it for when I hold our baby in my arms!
I am thankful for my friends, who although they are spread far and wide, are the most supportive and loving people I have ever known. My girls in California, have been there through so many ups and downs. We don't get to talk very often, but it is just knowing that if I need them they are there 100% with love and support. I am so grateful for them.
I am grateful too for my brother, my sister in law, and my nephews. Being an aunt in the past few years has been such a wonderful experience. At times I feel I am not there enough, but I cherish the time that I get to spend with "my boys" and every second they make me proud to be their aunt.
I am grateful too for my sister Rose. She was not born my sister, in fact, we did not find each other until graduate school. But none the less, she has added such joy and comfort in my life. She is more than a friend and is the truest sister I will ever know. I am also so lucky to be aunt to her beautiful daughter who I love dearly. I wish we could live next door so that our children could grow up together, but maybe someday.
Finally, I am grateful for this life that I have been given. Life is tough, as you know. We have many happy times and many tough times. If it were not for this opportunity to be alive I would not have the experience of knowing all of the people that I am grateful for or the opportunity to know the joys of pregnancy and bringing a new life to this world.
Thank you to everyone who reads my blog. I know that it has been a while since I have posted, but now there are a whole bunch of new posts that I have been writing and holding until I was able to post them today.
I wish you all a very Happy Thanksgiving.
11.25.2010
11.13.2010
8 Weeks and going strong
Okay, so technically as of yesterday I am 9 weeks along, but here is our 8 week ultrasound! The past few weeks have been good. I am finally moving past the morning sickness, which will hopefully stay away for the next 7 months! There have not been any more "emergency visits" to the OB/GYN, which is good news. But, there are occasional pains, odd occurrences, and gas, lots of gas. Being pregnant makes you really wonder if you ever knew your body at all, because things start to feel completely different, odd, foreign. My husband has reminded me "you are growing a person inside of you. You have to expect that would be a little uncomfortable at times." Wow.... it's true.
I don't know that it has truly hit me yet. I think a part of me still does not trust that this is really happening or that it will really continue to happen for the next 7 months. In the back of my mind I keep thinking that PCOS will cause something to go wrong. I forgot my Metformin the other night and panicked the next morning when I realized. But, so far so good.
I am not yet showing, my belly is still small (okay it was never small, but it is the same size it always was!), and my pants still fit, for now. Last weekend was the first weekend that we allowed ourselves to start to look at baby stuff. We bought a onsie to give to Erik's mom, which I am going to iron on a decal to that says "I Love Grandma." This is our plan for when we tell her I am pregnant at Thanksgiving. Then, I actually went shopping for maternity clothes, since my mom continues to remind me that "one morning you will wake up and nothing will fit you." She was super sweet though and bought me all of my maternity clothes. I feel very spoiled, and now I know just how spoiled this little baby will be.
In the area of PCOS and pregnancy, I have been reading quite a bit of information on Metformin and Pregnancy. Supposedly there are not a lot of studies that talk about how long you should stay on the Metformin, really it is still up for debate. Some doctors will leave women on the medication for the entire pregnancy, while others will have you stay on for the first trimester, while others take you off the moment you test positive for pregnancy. I have elected to stay on it, much to the contrary of my prior thinking before I was pregnant. My thought is this: my body relies on the Metformin to regulate my testosterone/insulin resistance/hormonal balance. If I go off of it now, what is to say that my levels will not spike and I will not end up with a miscarriage? So, after speaking with my endocrinologist, I will continue the Metformin at least through February, when my next appointment takes place. I am not sure this is the right choice, but again, I feel like either way there could be potential downfalls.
The other pregnancy reading I have been doing is about Fetal Origins. It is very interesting research coming out that talks about how much impact a mother truly has on the fetus during the 9 months in utero. Right now I am reading about food and the fetus. It is so interesting how many different warnings and dietary restrictions women have been placed on in the past 100 years. But, it is definitely making me think about how I eat and what I am doing. Luckily, I am not addicted to caffeine or soda, so giving up the "bad things" has not been difficult.
I don't know that it has truly hit me yet. I think a part of me still does not trust that this is really happening or that it will really continue to happen for the next 7 months. In the back of my mind I keep thinking that PCOS will cause something to go wrong. I forgot my Metformin the other night and panicked the next morning when I realized. But, so far so good.
I am not yet showing, my belly is still small (okay it was never small, but it is the same size it always was!), and my pants still fit, for now. Last weekend was the first weekend that we allowed ourselves to start to look at baby stuff. We bought a onsie to give to Erik's mom, which I am going to iron on a decal to that says "I Love Grandma." This is our plan for when we tell her I am pregnant at Thanksgiving. Then, I actually went shopping for maternity clothes, since my mom continues to remind me that "one morning you will wake up and nothing will fit you." She was super sweet though and bought me all of my maternity clothes. I feel very spoiled, and now I know just how spoiled this little baby will be.
In the area of PCOS and pregnancy, I have been reading quite a bit of information on Metformin and Pregnancy. Supposedly there are not a lot of studies that talk about how long you should stay on the Metformin, really it is still up for debate. Some doctors will leave women on the medication for the entire pregnancy, while others will have you stay on for the first trimester, while others take you off the moment you test positive for pregnancy. I have elected to stay on it, much to the contrary of my prior thinking before I was pregnant. My thought is this: my body relies on the Metformin to regulate my testosterone/insulin resistance/hormonal balance. If I go off of it now, what is to say that my levels will not spike and I will not end up with a miscarriage? So, after speaking with my endocrinologist, I will continue the Metformin at least through February, when my next appointment takes place. I am not sure this is the right choice, but again, I feel like either way there could be potential downfalls.
The other pregnancy reading I have been doing is about Fetal Origins. It is very interesting research coming out that talks about how much impact a mother truly has on the fetus during the 9 months in utero. Right now I am reading about food and the fetus. It is so interesting how many different warnings and dietary restrictions women have been placed on in the past 100 years. But, it is definitely making me think about how I eat and what I am doing. Luckily, I am not addicted to caffeine or soda, so giving up the "bad things" has not been difficult.
11.07.2010
Scared, Tired, Emotional
(Warning: This post was written 11-7-10, but is posted late so that we could tell all family before the world knew what was going on!)
I know, they say it is all part of being pregnant. You are exhausted and you cry a lot. But, no one told me how afraid I would feel. The past week has been tough. I am excited for the baby, but I am more afraid I will lose the baby than anything. I have had some spotting, which the doctor says is "normal... well it is never normal to have bleeding, but not anything to be too concerned about." I have had a bit more spotting the last few days and I can't wait until Monday for our 8 week ultrasound. Unfortunately I just have this terrible feeling that we will find out that something has gone wrong. I blame PCOS, fully and completely for this. I know that all women, PCOS or not, have miscarriages. But knowing I am at a higher risk, just makes me feel so much more worried! I hate feeling worried, I don't want to make the baby a stressed out baby because I am worried all of the time. But I just do not know how to work through all of this. My wonderful aunt and uncle sent me a pregnancy journal, but I cannot even bring myself to write in it. I am afraid that once I become optimistic, once I put it down on paper in a lovely journal, that I will lose the baby. But what if I don't document what is going on in that journal? Will I regret later that I didn't write it down?
Other symptoms remain constant. I feel nauseated and disgusted by most foods and smells. I have begun to wonder why they call it "morning sickness" when it lasts all day. But occasionally I have cravings for fried rice and egg rolls. My other big craving has been for a burrito smothered in green chili. My husband has been wonderful and lets me partake in all of my cravings, even when I am eating a left over burrito for breakfast from the night before. Everyone tells me these are good signs. Unfortunately, sometimes, the worry overtakes the "good signs" and I find myself doubting.
The other thing I just cant do yet is buy or look at maternity clothes. I have tried, twice, to look at maternity pants, but I just cannot bring myself to buy any. My pants still fit for now, but again, I worry that if I buy the pants something will go wrong.
I don't want to be a worried pregnant lady. I just wish the spotting would stop and that Monday would hurry up and get here so that I can hear that heartbeat again and see a growing baby!
Until Tomorrow - I'm a worried, but hopeful mama to be!
I know, they say it is all part of being pregnant. You are exhausted and you cry a lot. But, no one told me how afraid I would feel. The past week has been tough. I am excited for the baby, but I am more afraid I will lose the baby than anything. I have had some spotting, which the doctor says is "normal... well it is never normal to have bleeding, but not anything to be too concerned about." I have had a bit more spotting the last few days and I can't wait until Monday for our 8 week ultrasound. Unfortunately I just have this terrible feeling that we will find out that something has gone wrong. I blame PCOS, fully and completely for this. I know that all women, PCOS or not, have miscarriages. But knowing I am at a higher risk, just makes me feel so much more worried! I hate feeling worried, I don't want to make the baby a stressed out baby because I am worried all of the time. But I just do not know how to work through all of this. My wonderful aunt and uncle sent me a pregnancy journal, but I cannot even bring myself to write in it. I am afraid that once I become optimistic, once I put it down on paper in a lovely journal, that I will lose the baby. But what if I don't document what is going on in that journal? Will I regret later that I didn't write it down?
Other symptoms remain constant. I feel nauseated and disgusted by most foods and smells. I have begun to wonder why they call it "morning sickness" when it lasts all day. But occasionally I have cravings for fried rice and egg rolls. My other big craving has been for a burrito smothered in green chili. My husband has been wonderful and lets me partake in all of my cravings, even when I am eating a left over burrito for breakfast from the night before. Everyone tells me these are good signs. Unfortunately, sometimes, the worry overtakes the "good signs" and I find myself doubting.
The other thing I just cant do yet is buy or look at maternity clothes. I have tried, twice, to look at maternity pants, but I just cannot bring myself to buy any. My pants still fit for now, but again, I worry that if I buy the pants something will go wrong.
I don't want to be a worried pregnant lady. I just wish the spotting would stop and that Monday would hurry up and get here so that I can hear that heartbeat again and see a growing baby!
Until Tomorrow - I'm a worried, but hopeful mama to be!
11.01.2010
A smudge and a heartbeat
It was a crazy couple of weeks with lots of blood testing for HcG levels and lots of worrying. I became worried because, well, when people tell you that you are at high risk of miscarriage you worry. I was also having pains, cramps, and spotting. But, my HcG levels kept rising. On October 24th, my HcG levels were above 22,000, which was a good sign. That night though the cramping became terrible and the next day, after working out that morning I was feeling terrible and I began having spotting again. So, I worried. It is what I do best. It was that day that I really decided that I like our OB/GYN! I called the office and they squeezed me in. My husband rushed home from work, leaving a meeting and probably freaking out all of his coworkers, and off to the doctor we went. I was so afraid he would say we were losing the baby, but through it all I just had a feeling, it had to be okay. I am sure most women convince themselves it will all be okay, that your baby will make it, and these of course were my thoughts.
As I climbed on the table I grasped my husbands hand and said a little prayer in my head. The moment the ultrasound began I knew, because there I saw it, our little smudge inside a yolk sac! The doctor turned up the volume and there was the heart beat at 121 beats per minute! A smudge with a heartbeat... and it is our smudge! It was amazing, I cried (of course!) and my husband grasped my hand and my head with a look of amazement... there was our baby! It still amazes me that something measuring under 7mm's can have a heartbeat!
Since that day it has all felt real, like it is okay to accept it, to get excited, and to look at baby names and talk about the future again. For the past month we have held our breath, worried, cried, and held it all in. But no longer. I know I am just 7 weeks, 3 days along but I can't help but be excited for the future, for our baby, for a new life!
We will return to the doctor next Monday for our 8 week check up and ultrasound. For now, all is well. I am finally getting my energy back, it has been a few tough weeks of going to bed at 7:30 and feeling too tired for anything other than work. I even took almost two complete weeks off of working out, as I had some morning sickness. But today, I returned to working out. I still am worried about running, so I speed walk and tomorrow I will lift weights. Our trainer has provided me with a new work out program, so that I don't have to do crunches or lay on my stomach (both of which make me nauseous!). My jeans are beginning to feel a bit tight, and when I run my hand over my belly I can feel a slight bump there, and I know that's our baby in there. I cry over just about anything from cheezy commercials to stories about mothers and their babies. But, so far, it has been a joy and pleasure carrying this baby. I know there are lots of challenges, changes, and maybe even tough times ahead, but I am up for anything!
As I climbed on the table I grasped my husbands hand and said a little prayer in my head. The moment the ultrasound began I knew, because there I saw it, our little smudge inside a yolk sac! The doctor turned up the volume and there was the heart beat at 121 beats per minute! A smudge with a heartbeat... and it is our smudge! It was amazing, I cried (of course!) and my husband grasped my hand and my head with a look of amazement... there was our baby! It still amazes me that something measuring under 7mm's can have a heartbeat!
Since that day it has all felt real, like it is okay to accept it, to get excited, and to look at baby names and talk about the future again. For the past month we have held our breath, worried, cried, and held it all in. But no longer. I know I am just 7 weeks, 3 days along but I can't help but be excited for the future, for our baby, for a new life!
We will return to the doctor next Monday for our 8 week check up and ultrasound. For now, all is well. I am finally getting my energy back, it has been a few tough weeks of going to bed at 7:30 and feeling too tired for anything other than work. I even took almost two complete weeks off of working out, as I had some morning sickness. But today, I returned to working out. I still am worried about running, so I speed walk and tomorrow I will lift weights. Our trainer has provided me with a new work out program, so that I don't have to do crunches or lay on my stomach (both of which make me nauseous!). My jeans are beginning to feel a bit tight, and when I run my hand over my belly I can feel a slight bump there, and I know that's our baby in there. I cry over just about anything from cheezy commercials to stories about mothers and their babies. But, so far, it has been a joy and pleasure carrying this baby. I know there are lots of challenges, changes, and maybe even tough times ahead, but I am up for anything!
10.18.2010
Signs of pregnancy
By the time you are all reading these posts about pregnancy I will be about 3 months or so along... as long as all goes well. I promised my mother in law that she would not have to find out I was pregnant by way of my blog... so after we visit in November for Thanksgiving and surprise her, I will post these blogs. And, even if the worst happens, I promise I will post these blogs, because women need to know, good or bad, what happens with pregnancy especially with PCOS and pregnancy! A very good friend of mine recommended that I journal about the pregnancy as I go along so that I can remember what happened along the way. I feel that my blog is my journal... albeit public for all to see, but still, this is my journal and how I express myself and track my life. So, I make this warning, I will be sharing everything, details that many may not want to read. But this is my journal, my documentation of pregnancy with PCOS, and my way of telling others that getting pregnant with PCOS is possible... and with any luck I will get to also show that you can have a healthy happy baby with PCOS.
So, those lovely signs of pregnancy! Well, your breasts will hurt like no one ever told you they would. They say they will be "tender".... hello! This is not tender... this is freakin' ouch! They say you can jog/run during pregnancy... well if you are an "A" cup or do not have this particular symptom, that that may be true... but for those of us over a "C"...there will be no running... at least not without at least 3 sports bras on!
Pain... yes, pain and cramping. Sometimes it feels like someone is stabbing you in the ovary...for about 2 seconds.. then it goes away. They call it "cramping" but this is no cramping like I have ever had. Some cramping, in certain places is normal in early pregnancy as areas of your body begin to stretch, in ways they never have before!
Nausea... yep, my first bout of morning sickness today. Luckily it never went past the nausea part... but it makes it impossible to go to the gym at 5 am when you just want to throw up and get the day over with.
Speaking of getting the day over with... I thought PCOS had shown me what tired was before... I am only just maybe 5 weeks along and I am Tired!! More tired than ever before. I laughed when I found out I was pregnant, because for two weeks straight I came home and fell asleep on the couch after work, just to get up and go right to bed. So, when I found out I was pregnant I thought... of course I have been sleeping almost non stop for 2 weeks!
Hormones... have you ever cried at just about every commercial you see on TV? The Kaiser commercials about babies, the Jason Mraz song about living without worry, or the Zale's commercial with the daughter and father at the breakfast table (I am practically crying just thinking of this one) ? But it is true, your hormones are all over the map. One second you are laughing the next second you are crying, and sometimes you are doing both at the same time.
My clothes are tight... yes, this a symptom... okay i admit it was a problem before I was pregnant... by seriously... I just bought new clothes a month ago, and already they are tight? Seriously? But, never fear... maternity world includes new fun clothes too! So, more shopping will be done by all! :)
Worry... yes, worry. I think it is a symptom of pregnancy which no one speaks of. It is why so many women wait until they are showing to start telling people around them. We all worry that at any time, this wonderful gift may be taken away from us. At first, when i found out, I said to my husband "I don't want anyone to know" and yet the same day I told my mom, how could I not...she is my mom. I have slipped up a few more times and started to tell other people here and there... we haven't told my husbands family because he wants to tell his mom in person before we tell anyone else in his family.. but anyway... I started to think about why I did this. Why say one minute I don't want any one to know, and the next second be telling people around me that I am in fact pregnant. Here is my thought/reasoning/excuse for my craziness. I am going to worry no matter what, for the next 9 months, and the rest of my life once this baby is born. But if people know now, even though i am so early on, there are that many more good wishes, prayers, and support for this baby out there in the universe already, and they have not even entered the world yet, What better way to start off your life than with the support, love, and excitement of all of those people who do not know you yet but love you and care about you anyway? So, share we will, so that our baby will be blessed with all of the love and care from the start and will start off life with excitement and happiness surrounding them, not from 3 months in utero, but from 4 weeks in utero!
So those are the symptoms as they stand so far. In all seriousness, because I am being flippant with many of these symptoms, I truly believe that each symptom is a part of earning the title of "mom" and that each one is a positive sign that the pregnancy is healthy and that it is well worth the reward of being a parent in the end. I would deal with "tender" breasts, stabbing pains, crying at the drop of a hat, and exhaustion, tight clothing, and worry for a lifetime if I get to have the honor of being a parent during this life time. Although I hear that many of those symptoms are not just for pregnancy, they last forever as you watch your child grow into an amazing adult. So here's hoping to a lifetime of pregnancy symptoms!
So, those lovely signs of pregnancy! Well, your breasts will hurt like no one ever told you they would. They say they will be "tender".... hello! This is not tender... this is freakin' ouch! They say you can jog/run during pregnancy... well if you are an "A" cup or do not have this particular symptom, that that may be true... but for those of us over a "C"...there will be no running... at least not without at least 3 sports bras on!
Pain... yes, pain and cramping. Sometimes it feels like someone is stabbing you in the ovary...for about 2 seconds.. then it goes away. They call it "cramping" but this is no cramping like I have ever had. Some cramping, in certain places is normal in early pregnancy as areas of your body begin to stretch, in ways they never have before!
Nausea... yep, my first bout of morning sickness today. Luckily it never went past the nausea part... but it makes it impossible to go to the gym at 5 am when you just want to throw up and get the day over with.
Speaking of getting the day over with... I thought PCOS had shown me what tired was before... I am only just maybe 5 weeks along and I am Tired!! More tired than ever before. I laughed when I found out I was pregnant, because for two weeks straight I came home and fell asleep on the couch after work, just to get up and go right to bed. So, when I found out I was pregnant I thought... of course I have been sleeping almost non stop for 2 weeks!
Hormones... have you ever cried at just about every commercial you see on TV? The Kaiser commercials about babies, the Jason Mraz song about living without worry, or the Zale's commercial with the daughter and father at the breakfast table (I am practically crying just thinking of this one) ? But it is true, your hormones are all over the map. One second you are laughing the next second you are crying, and sometimes you are doing both at the same time.
My clothes are tight... yes, this a symptom... okay i admit it was a problem before I was pregnant... by seriously... I just bought new clothes a month ago, and already they are tight? Seriously? But, never fear... maternity world includes new fun clothes too! So, more shopping will be done by all! :)
Worry... yes, worry. I think it is a symptom of pregnancy which no one speaks of. It is why so many women wait until they are showing to start telling people around them. We all worry that at any time, this wonderful gift may be taken away from us. At first, when i found out, I said to my husband "I don't want anyone to know" and yet the same day I told my mom, how could I not...she is my mom. I have slipped up a few more times and started to tell other people here and there... we haven't told my husbands family because he wants to tell his mom in person before we tell anyone else in his family.. but anyway... I started to think about why I did this. Why say one minute I don't want any one to know, and the next second be telling people around me that I am in fact pregnant. Here is my thought/reasoning/excuse for my craziness. I am going to worry no matter what, for the next 9 months, and the rest of my life once this baby is born. But if people know now, even though i am so early on, there are that many more good wishes, prayers, and support for this baby out there in the universe already, and they have not even entered the world yet, What better way to start off your life than with the support, love, and excitement of all of those people who do not know you yet but love you and care about you anyway? So, share we will, so that our baby will be blessed with all of the love and care from the start and will start off life with excitement and happiness surrounding them, not from 3 months in utero, but from 4 weeks in utero!
So those are the symptoms as they stand so far. In all seriousness, because I am being flippant with many of these symptoms, I truly believe that each symptom is a part of earning the title of "mom" and that each one is a positive sign that the pregnancy is healthy and that it is well worth the reward of being a parent in the end. I would deal with "tender" breasts, stabbing pains, crying at the drop of a hat, and exhaustion, tight clothing, and worry for a lifetime if I get to have the honor of being a parent during this life time. Although I hear that many of those symptoms are not just for pregnancy, they last forever as you watch your child grow into an amazing adult. So here's hoping to a lifetime of pregnancy symptoms!
Breakfast, paperwork, and two pink lines
It was two weeks ago tomorrow that I was working from home on some paperwork and thought, there are three pregnancy tests in the cabinet and I feel like I should use one. So, at 11 am that day a pregnancy test was completed and one dark pink line appeared....along with a super faint pink line... yep, two pink lines. I figured I was seeing things, it was that faint. So the next morning at 5am, on my way to the gym, I took another test, and sure enough, there it was... or should I say "they were". Two pink lines... a positive pregnancy test... or rather two. That afternoon I made a stop at my GYN, who ran two more tests... one negative, the other looked just like my first... one dark line and another very faint line. I was promptly sent for blood work which came back with an HcG level of 39. If you are new to pregnancy terms, HcG is produced in your blood only when you are pregnant, you never have it at any other time of your life. I was told congratulations and that I had to go for another test in 48 hours, to make sure the HcG levels were rising. So, 48 hours later I was at the lab again, blood being drawn from my other arm and then the wait began. Because it was Friday, the test did not come back before the Dr. closed for the day. I spent the entire weekend in agony, of the emotional type. You see, HcG levels, when you are pregnant are supposed to double every 48 hours... so for me, they were looking for somewhere around 80... if your levels are not doubling there is a problem with the pregnancy and it is likely not viable. Let's just say, this led to the longest, most difficult weekend of my life so far. Waiting to find out if you are pregnant or pregnant and miscarrying is a terrible way to spend two days. Monday morning, first thing, my MD called with good news, an HcG level of 89 and a big "hooray!" was heard around the world.
I wish I could say the craziness ended there. But panic and a few more horrible days (about 7 days in fact) ensued. Since my GYN is not an OB as well, I had to find a new doctor. Luckily I found one, I think he is pretty great so far, and made an appointment for the soonest possible. The next Wednesday, one week from our initial double lined excitement, my husband and I found ourselves sitting in the OB office waiting to see the doctor. This was the appointment that caused even more panic than before. While there, the MD's office aged my pregnancy at 6 weeks. "Great!" we were told an ultrasound would potentially show a heart beat, and the yolk sac, but as I lay on the ultrasound table, my husband excitedly holding my hand, the doctor scanned around, yet nothing showed up. The doctor quickly revealed his concern, stating "it isn't a good sign that we can't see anything at 6 weeks." we left the doctor's office, back to the lab for yet another HcG test, I cried... for about the 20th time. Is it hormones, fear, sadness, or just plain anger at my body for continually making everything difficult? I think probably a combination of everything.
That afternoon the doctor called me... actually he called within an hour. My HcG was at 775... it had doubled each day since the last test. The pregnancy was fine and I was "just earlier than originally thought." I guess this is where I have to caution women with PCOS. For some reason, almost all doctors, even ones who seem to know a lot about PCOS, seem to forget that we do not ovulate like every other "normal" woman. The fact is, all women, with PCOS or not, ovulate at different times. Yet, when they calculate your due date and date of conception, they go from the first day of your last period. So even if you did not ovulate during the second week... guess what... they pretend you did! It turns out... I was probably more like 4 or 4 1/2 weeks along... not 6 weeks! So, my HcG levels were exactly correct AND since you cannot see anything on an ultrasound until HcG levels are At Least 1500, it was no surprise there was nothing on the ultrasound, because mine were in the 700's! By the way, they also tested my progesterone, which was 18... which is on the low side of normal for pregnant women. Two days later, another test revealed an HcG of 1380... almost double, and perfectly acceptable for a viable pregnancy.
Getting pregnant, being pregnant, and having a baby are all scary enough as it is. But I have to say, the past two weeks were some of the most difficult days of my life. I felt like I had been on a roller coaster, stuck at the top, and waiting to drop. It is reported that women with PCOS may have up to 50% chance of miscarriage. Each doctor has told us that miscarriage is never caused by anything you do. If it does not last, it was not a viable life, and that miscarriage is the body's natural way to end that life before it get's worse. But, even knowing that, I keep saying to the baby "just stay inside where you belong" because the best thing that could ever happen would be to bring a baby into this world on in June 2011!
I wish I could say the craziness ended there. But panic and a few more horrible days (about 7 days in fact) ensued. Since my GYN is not an OB as well, I had to find a new doctor. Luckily I found one, I think he is pretty great so far, and made an appointment for the soonest possible. The next Wednesday, one week from our initial double lined excitement, my husband and I found ourselves sitting in the OB office waiting to see the doctor. This was the appointment that caused even more panic than before. While there, the MD's office aged my pregnancy at 6 weeks. "Great!" we were told an ultrasound would potentially show a heart beat, and the yolk sac, but as I lay on the ultrasound table, my husband excitedly holding my hand, the doctor scanned around, yet nothing showed up. The doctor quickly revealed his concern, stating "it isn't a good sign that we can't see anything at 6 weeks." we left the doctor's office, back to the lab for yet another HcG test, I cried... for about the 20th time. Is it hormones, fear, sadness, or just plain anger at my body for continually making everything difficult? I think probably a combination of everything.
That afternoon the doctor called me... actually he called within an hour. My HcG was at 775... it had doubled each day since the last test. The pregnancy was fine and I was "just earlier than originally thought." I guess this is where I have to caution women with PCOS. For some reason, almost all doctors, even ones who seem to know a lot about PCOS, seem to forget that we do not ovulate like every other "normal" woman. The fact is, all women, with PCOS or not, ovulate at different times. Yet, when they calculate your due date and date of conception, they go from the first day of your last period. So even if you did not ovulate during the second week... guess what... they pretend you did! It turns out... I was probably more like 4 or 4 1/2 weeks along... not 6 weeks! So, my HcG levels were exactly correct AND since you cannot see anything on an ultrasound until HcG levels are At Least 1500, it was no surprise there was nothing on the ultrasound, because mine were in the 700's! By the way, they also tested my progesterone, which was 18... which is on the low side of normal for pregnant women. Two days later, another test revealed an HcG of 1380... almost double, and perfectly acceptable for a viable pregnancy.
Getting pregnant, being pregnant, and having a baby are all scary enough as it is. But I have to say, the past two weeks were some of the most difficult days of my life. I felt like I had been on a roller coaster, stuck at the top, and waiting to drop. It is reported that women with PCOS may have up to 50% chance of miscarriage. Each doctor has told us that miscarriage is never caused by anything you do. If it does not last, it was not a viable life, and that miscarriage is the body's natural way to end that life before it get's worse. But, even knowing that, I keep saying to the baby "just stay inside where you belong" because the best thing that could ever happen would be to bring a baby into this world on in June 2011!
9.06.2010
Of Vacations, Cinnamon Rolls, and New Adventures
This weekend took us to Grand Junction Colorado, home of fruit orchards and wineries, relaxation, and no stress. Last week was an odd week. My moods were up and down, upside down, right side up, all over the place. My poor husband, I am sad to say, was at the attack end of the down sides. The week started with us getting back into the swing of getting up at 5am for our work outs. We began this a few weeks ago because evenings just were not working out and our trainer recommended that we try this instead. It works great and gives us lots of time in the evenings to relax and enjoy our time together, but boy is it difficult to get out of bed at 5 am and walk to the gym! Weights mornings are the hardest, since I so hate the weight lifting! Also, I realized, after my up and down week, that I was frustrated. My husband has been losing weight, while mine has remained basically the same. My clothes even fit the same, no changes anywhere. So, last week, I started really watching what I ate, and I was feeling a difference... then we went away for the weekend.
I even started a new blog about my weekend adventures... it has to do with my love of cinnamon rolls... I know... it does not coincide with my "weight loss path"... at least at first glance. I want to note that I only indulge in cinnamon rolls when we vacation... they are the one sweet, bad for you, treat I will never give up. I will continue to indulge in them on vacation and occasionally through life. But, all people on their weight loss path have to have something they love that they allow them selves occasionally... I refuse to give up everything I love to eat.
Anyway... we were good about exercise while we were away. We worked out in the gym one day and hiked the next. We rested two days. I was proud that we were able to stay motivated enough to actually use a hotel gym! Good for us!
My final adventure to report, related to the PCOS world, and that I have been contemplating whether to share on my blog or not, is that I have been reading fertility websites and trying to learn as much as I can about PCOS and fertility. It is astounding how much information there is to know about something that seems to be so simple, or perhaps it seems that it Should be simple! So many people take such a scientific approach to fertility these days, and now I have joined the crowd. I have found a website called "fertility friends" to be particularly helpful and am taking a "course" in fertility. For women with fertility issues, if you have been told to "try on your own for awhile" this is a great place to learn how to "help yourself" along this confusing path.
Our path so far includes starting to track basal body temperature and a few other Body Signals on the fertility friends website. I find it encouraging and I am hopeful that we will find that we are on the right track soon!
I will continue to update the information I learn from this site.. but for now...it is off to bed for some good sleep before work begins again tomorrow!
Good night!
I even started a new blog about my weekend adventures... it has to do with my love of cinnamon rolls... I know... it does not coincide with my "weight loss path"... at least at first glance. I want to note that I only indulge in cinnamon rolls when we vacation... they are the one sweet, bad for you, treat I will never give up. I will continue to indulge in them on vacation and occasionally through life. But, all people on their weight loss path have to have something they love that they allow them selves occasionally... I refuse to give up everything I love to eat.
Anyway... we were good about exercise while we were away. We worked out in the gym one day and hiked the next. We rested two days. I was proud that we were able to stay motivated enough to actually use a hotel gym! Good for us!
My final adventure to report, related to the PCOS world, and that I have been contemplating whether to share on my blog or not, is that I have been reading fertility websites and trying to learn as much as I can about PCOS and fertility. It is astounding how much information there is to know about something that seems to be so simple, or perhaps it seems that it Should be simple! So many people take such a scientific approach to fertility these days, and now I have joined the crowd. I have found a website called "fertility friends" to be particularly helpful and am taking a "course" in fertility. For women with fertility issues, if you have been told to "try on your own for awhile" this is a great place to learn how to "help yourself" along this confusing path.
Our path so far includes starting to track basal body temperature and a few other Body Signals on the fertility friends website. I find it encouraging and I am hopeful that we will find that we are on the right track soon!
I will continue to update the information I learn from this site.. but for now...it is off to bed for some good sleep before work begins again tomorrow!
Good night!
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